We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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