"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
