he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
