He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
