awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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