Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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