The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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