This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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