just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
