so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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