Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
