Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
