so that wasnt chicken after all
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
