sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
