we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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