please come you make the beer taste better
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
