marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
