The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
