did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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