Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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