I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
