if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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