I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
