I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
