Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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