so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
