I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
