Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
