She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
