guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
