Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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