I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
