youre lurking in front of me
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
