i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
