my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
