I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
