You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
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