My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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