she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
