In America we eat man semen.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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