Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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