So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
