I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
