so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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