Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
