You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
