dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
