I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
