My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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