Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
