I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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