i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
