I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
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