Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
