Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
