you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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